Vampire Jokes

Vampire Jokes

Vampire Jokes for kids Halloween funny

Hello, mate! I’m Sunny the sun-loving vampire. You know what else I love besides the sun? A hearty laugh! I find the easiest way to have a laugh is to hear a joke. Therefore I’ve compiled a list of the best vampire jokes I’ve ever heard. You might think I haven’t heard them all, but I’ve lived a long time so you can be sure I’ve heard most everything. One thing I can tell you is that these jokes don’t suck. Get it? Suck. Vampires suck blood… Oh well. Perhaps these vampire jokes will do a better job at making you laugh. I hope you enjoy this Halloween comedy segment for kids.


Why should you not tell a vampire to get a life?

Because he might take yours.

What should you never say to a vampire when angry?

Bite me!

Why did the vampire stop eating soup?

He wanted something to sink his teeth into!

Why did the vampire consider himself an artist?

Because he likes to draw blood!

Why did the vampire hire an assistant?

He needed some new blood around the office!

How are vampires like dentures?

They come out at night! 

What’s it like to have a vampire as a guest?

It’s a pain in the neck!

What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?

A neck-tarine!

Why is a vampire a cheap date?

Because he eats necks to nothing!

How did the vampires know they were meant to be together?

It was love at first bite!

How does a vampire flirt?

They bat their eyes!

What’s a vampire’s favourite dance?

The fangdango!

What’s a vampire’s favorite girly drink?

A Bloody Mary!

What do you call a short vampire?

A pain in the leg.

What did people say when the vampire tripped?

Another one bites the dust.

Why does no one like vampires?

They suck!

What would a vampire never order at a restaurant?

A stake sandwich.

What’s a vampire’s favourite sport?


What happened when the vampires raced?

They finished neck and neck!

How can you tell when a vampire wants to play baseball?

When he turns into a bat.

What fast food do vampires crave?


Why are vampires so easily tricked?

They are born suckers.

What’s a vampire’s favorite website?

Why was the vampire unsuccessful in relationships?

He loved in vein!

How do you attract a vampire on a dating site?

List your blood type.

What did the con artist say to the vampire?

So long sucker!

What type of test did the vampire have to cheat on?

A blood test.

What does a vampire say to the mirror? 

Is this thing on?

Did you enjoy these vampire jokes? Find more in the Kindle E-book, Monster Book of Jokes:


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